I used to think virtue was all about purity. I used to think it was something only evident in those that were devout and pious. I thought that I could only be virtuous if I was drenched in religious affairs.
I was wrong.
I have learned more about virtue through my own humiliating experiences over the past few years, than I did reading and studying Proverbs 31 over and over again. I wanted/want so bad to exemplify the woman in that passage but it wasn’t until I was brought low that I realized virtue comes with humility.
I am not the pure naive girl I was five years ago but I am surely becoming that virtuous woman I studied tirelessly at that time. I have made so many mistakes and ungodly choices that I am ashamed to speak about but I am still seeking to stay pure at heart. I am sure I will make even more mistakes before my time on this earth is up but what is life without experience and these experiences will/have hopefully brought about wisdom. As the saying goes, experience is the best teacher, so I can say I’ve learned from the best.
My many mistakes have caused me to have to juggle many hats and learn different trades just to keep ahead and make it. One of the key things about the woman in Proverbs 31, was her many skills and her business/work ethic. As a single mom I make it my duty to work hard and learn new ways to bring in income for my children and I everyday, so that even without a male’s help I am able to provide for us. It is my hope that when I do get married my husband does not worry about me being solely after his pockets because I hope to have assets of my own to bring to the table by that point.
Kindness, something I believed I possessed before but I believe I’m grasping a deeper understanding of it now. I do believe I still have yet to learn but through humiliation my heart has learned how to approach those whom I previously could not understand. As my choices have dragged me through the dirt I can see through my own mess that we are all susceptible to the same sins for we all are human. Who am I to look at the next person in disgust when I am made out of the same dirty flesh that needs to be bathed every day to stay clean.
Her family looks at her and says she is blessed. This part is truly something I can say humbly. It amazes me when people see in me what I sometimes don’t see in myself. Strangers able to see my heart in conversation and say such wonderful things about me at times I need to hear them the most. My father made the statement that I am blessed and favored and always have been. I can say through all that I have been through I truly have been blessed. I have been given so much and not through wealthy parents or some grand inheritance but just over the course of these trying years and even before now my prayers have been answered. When I was in need that that I needed was provided through one source or another.
So, as I reflect on my current circumstances and try to make sense of my life right now I can only display gratitude for I am only getting that that I asked for. I wanted to become that woman and to become such a woman much is required of me. So as I find myself being humbled time after time I must remember that to be a great woman with a good heart I have to stay in check. I am no perfect person in fact I am far from it but virtue isn’t about perfection; it’s purity of heart, it’s strength in the face of trials, it’s courage in the face of frightening situations, it’s wisdom gained from experience, and patience gained over time.